The Scariest Thing in The World
by TA Maxwell
Summary: Things just had quieted down after the incident with Tenkou, and Tasuki could relax at last. Or so he THOUGHT until he got the letter that sent him running to his closest friend, Chichiri. It was a letter from Mom. (Horror to Tasuki, Humor to us! TBC)
1. The Letter of DOOM

TA: ^____^ New evil fic idea no da! This is the prologue to what I hope shall be a very fruitful one (review wise) And no, I did NOT have any coke while thinking this one up! *glomps Nuriko for being a good lil muse* Oh, and PLEASE R&R my other fic, Wolf. It's only got one review no da.

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"Ahhh…" Tasuki sighed happily, leaning back in his chair. Finally, everyone had been returned the their appropriate places. Boushin was going to grow into a fine emperor now he'd opened his mouth a few times. Houki's health was returning. Chichiri had decided to stay at the palace for a year or two to get the crown prince on his way. He had only hoped, he told Tasuki, that the advisors wouldn't ask him to stay longer than he was needed. The spirits of the others were at Mt. Taikyoku, waiting to be reincarnated at their desired times. He had been told he could visit Chiriko and Nuriko and the others as long as they weren't reborn, or in the process of being. Tasuki didn't want to think about THAT! Miaka and Taka were happily back in their own world, and he was back at home. Mount Reikaku. The others had taken him back in as their leader. Life couldn't get any better.

"Knock knock! Who's there? Kouji with a letter for his pal Genrou! Oh, a letter? Come on in, Kouji! Thank you!" 

Tasuki and the others STILL hadn't broken the bandit of THAT habit. Tasuki sat up at the mention of a letter. It was probably news from Chichiri. Although he'd never admit it to anyone but Kouji, the king of thieves enjoyed getting letters from his remaining chosen brother. Especially when they regarded the munchkin, Boushin. The past letter, Chiriko had said his greetings as well. Hotohori had already been reincarnated, but the others were still there, he said. He also reminded Tasuki to visit. How silly. He'd visit whenever he could. The letter being stuffed in his face brought him out of the fond recollection.

"Ain't nobody's handwritin' I've ever seen. Juuken brought it back from a village not far down the east."

Tasuki froze. East? No way…Cautiously, he pulled open the carefully sealed letter, fearing the contents. His eyes quickly scanned over the words.

Kids to the far north in Hokkan were asking their parents where that loud yell had come from and what "shit" meant.

A little short of an hour later, the door to Chichiri's room was thrown open, slamming into the wall with a bang.

"DAAAAA!! I DIDN'T DO IT NO DA!!" the monk sat up straight in his bed. 

"CHICHIRI!! YA GOTTA SAVE ME!!"

Chichiri blinked. Tasuki didn't usually come barging in like this. Especially at the time of night it was.

"Tasuki-kun, are you alright no da? Is someone after you?"

"They wanna fuckin KILL ME!!"

"Who does no da?!" Worry filled the unmasked monk's good eye. He never slept with his mask on unless there were others around. Also, he had taken to sleeping without a shirt in the summertime (which it is because the authoress wants it that way dammit!!)

Tasuki scurried over to his friend and stuffed the letter into his hand before finding his way to a corner and huddling in it.

"I am feeling very, very vulnerable right now."

"Tasuki-kun…" Chichiri raised an eyebrow. "This is just a letter from your mother about a family reunion no da."

"EXACTLY!!"

Chichiri paused and looked at the letter again, scratching his head.

"How many relatives do you have no da?"

"Five sisters, four of 'em married, three with kids, one pregnant, seven aunts and uncles with cousins to go along."

Chichiri paused and smirked. 

"I'll see you at your funeral no da!"

Tasuki glared.

"Chichiri, I didn't run all the way here fer nothin'."

"You wanted to show me the letter, right no da?"

"Nope." Here, Tasuki grinned. "Read the last line."

Chichiri glanced back at the letter.

"Feel free to bring a friend if you want…oh……shit no da." His hand automatically found his way to his mouth. Tasuki grinned a fanged smirk.

"Well I'll be! Yer fuckin turning into me!"

"I AM NOT DAMMIT NO DA!"   
SMACK!

"Yes you are." ^__^

"No, I'm not," came the muffled reply.


	2. Meeting the family

Heheeeeee, finally wrote more! I've been kinda slow with the winter holiday, but now I'm back on track! Hope you enjoy this next update!

"Remind me again how you convinced me to come instead of taking Kouji no da?"

"Well someone had to fuckin run Mt. Reikaku. And I said if you didn't come along I'd tell one'a them serving girls to take ya a bottle of wine fer a night and not leave until you were fuckin drunk." (A job which the authoress would have gladly taken!! Yes, the authoress is a perv when it comes to the monk and hyper stories)

"…..you play dirty no da…."

"I'm a bandit! I fuckin gotta!"

"With your best friend?"

"Even with Kouji."

Chichiri sweatdropped. There was no getting out of this. They were only a few minutes walk away from the city this so called "family reunion" was supposed to be. Tasuki's look got glummer and glummer as they approached. 

"SHUUUUUN'UUUU!!!!!!!"

"SHIIIITT!!" Tasuki took a step back with the intent of running. Instead, five redheaded humans latched onto the bandit in a deathgrip.

"Shun'u, you came!!" the shortest one grinned. "Momma said you wouldn't."

"She said she wasn't sure. Oh, it's great to see you, little brother!!"

"Lookit how you've grown! You're not scrawny anymore!"

"You got yourself a girlfriend yet, Shun'u?"

"What took you so long getting here?!"

"CHIRI!!! HAAAAALP!"

Chichiri just stood back and grinned. Seeing the bandit getting the air hugged out of him by five females was a once in a lifetime opportunity. 

"No, I think you're doing just fine no da!" he chimed. The girls silenced.

"Shun'u, is this your boyfriend?"

"EEP!! SHUN'U'S GAY?!!"

Simultaneously, the seishi smacked their foreheads.

"He's a fuckin' monk, Jisha (lets make her the youngest sister). He ain't never been laid."

"TASUKI NO DA!!" 

It was his turn to laugh.

"If he's a "fucking monk", how can he be a virgin?" one of the sisters, whom shall be called Sora asked. (The authoress took care of that, deary.)

(Nuriko: YOU DID NOT!!)

(TA: Aw, lemme dream……)

"Ma'am, whether you know it or not your brother curses like Seiryuu and drinks like a fish no da."

The oldest sister (whom I'm gonna call Li-Li cuz I wanna) tsked.

"Well, we're just gonna have to break you of that habit, aren't we?"  
"NO YOU'RE FUCKIN NOT!!" Tasuki screeched.

"Well look who showed up, late as usual," a sixth voice put in. Tasuki went pale as his sisters released him, giving both bandit and monk a clear sight of one of the largest women ever seen. Tasuki gulped.

"H-hi….m-mom…"he squeaked.

"Shun'u, my baby, it's been so long!!" Chichiri chuckled at Tasuki's misfortune as his mother pulled him into a tight hug.

"Mooooom, leggo…." Tasuki struggled, but to no avail. 

"And just lookit how thin you are! We've gotta fatten you up while you're here. Get some meat on those bones!"

"Mooooooom!!"

"Mother, Shun'u brought his boyfriend!" Jisha piped up. Chichiri sweatdropped as the woman's gaze turned from her son to him.

"Well, always figured he'd end up being gay, what with hanging around will all those bandits. Least ya picked a good one."

"D-daa…" Chichiri gulped. "I-I'm not his boyfriend no da! I'm a monk no da!"

"Why'd ya bring a monk, Shun'u?" Li-Li asked incredulously. Tasuki couldn't answer, his face turning blue from his mother's endless hug of doom. He coughed, barely managing to say, "Can't…….breathe…..breasts……….suffocating…….."

Chichiri couldn't help but smirk as Tasuki was finally released from his mother's grasp.

"I'm Chichiri no da. Tas….Shun'u and I have been friends for years no da."

"He never mentioned you," Tasuki's mother replied.

"That's because I never fuckin visited after we met three years ago."

"His face is weird…" Sora whispered to Jisha.

"Yeah, Chichiri, what's the deal with your face?" 

Chichiri and Tasuki both sweatdropped.

"It's not something I like to talk about no da," Chichiri grinned halfheartedly.

"Aw just take off the fuckin mask fer a damned second, monk," Tasuki smirked. 

As the five sisters began to whisper amongst each other why he would wear a mask, Chichiri sighed. His hand moved up to his face and pulled the mask away. The girls blinked, then went starry eyed.

"Sweet Suzaku, Shun'u, you're friend is a hottie!"

"You're all fuckin married!!" Tasuki exclaimed as Chichiri quickly replaced the mask.

"We can still look. And besides, Jisha's still single."

"But I'm still a monk no da," Chichiri replied.

"Shun'u?" a male voice piped up from behind the crowd of females.

Saving grace…Tasuki thought, grinning. "Hey, pop."

Tasuki's father was nothing like Chichiri had imagined. The image he had built was one of a tall burly man, another bandit for Tasuki took look up to. Instead, standing in the midst of the females was a small, freckle-faced farmer.

"Hello no da."

Tasuki's father looked up at Chichiri, then down to his son, sitting on the ground, still recovering for the attack of his mother.

"Since when do you make friends with monks, Shun'u?" 

Tasuki's father quickly found himself glomped from both sides.

"The sanity in the family!!" Tasuki crowed joyously.

"Thank you no da!!" Chichiri was ecstatic.

"Lemme guess. The women were askin if you were Shun'u's boyfriend, weren't they?"

Chichiri blinked incredulously.

"They did the same when he brought his friend Kouji."

"I see no da."

"Anyway, got a letter from your other relatives. They won't be comin. Seems all the little'ns struck ill. So it'll just be the group of us."

"And our husbands decided to stay home with the kids."

Tasuki's grin showed he was doing a small celebration dance in his head. 

"Dinner's ready too."

"Great! I'm fuckin starved!"

"Watch your mouth, young man. We just got some new cleaning soap in and I will use it on that mouth of yours."

"Fuck you…" Tasuki muttered as he clung close to his father on the way to the dinner table.

~~~~~~~~

"So, Shun'u, you've been doing good as a bandit?" Li-Li asked, swallowing a piece of roll. 

"Truthfully, just got back to relaxin at the Mountain before I got yer fuckin letter."

Glares from all but his father and Chichiri.

"Shun'u and I have spent some time traveling around Konan the past two years no da," Chichiri explained, his chopsticks paused just below his mouth.

"Good homemade cookin…" Tasuki muttered happily. It was one of the few things he missed about being away from home.

"I do wish you'd done more for yourself than banditing and traveling with a monk. Your sister's husbands are holding up good jobs, and Jisha's bringing in good money as a bar maid."

Chichiri paused, then turned to his flame-haired friend.

"Tasuki-kun, do they know-"

"Aw shit, Chiri, don't-"

"Tasuki-kun, there's nothing wrong about it no da. It's something to be proud of. If my parents were still alive I know they'd be proud to know their son was a Suzaku seishi no da."

The table went silent, and Tasuki went pale.

"Suzaku…seishi?" Sora choked.

"Hai no da!" Chichiri replied cheerfully. "Suzaku seishi Chichiri and Tasuki. We're the last two remaining after the mikos returned to their world no da."

"Shit…" Tasuki muttered as seven pairs of eyes gaped in astonishment.

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Heh, poor Chichiri-san. All those siblings thinking he was Tasuki's boyfriend. I only wish I knew the names of Tasuki's sisters. If anyone knows them, please tell me so I can change them. Ja no da! 


End file.
